does it ever end?

girls.



boys.



where do i start?



where does it end?



maybe its just me?



there always seems to be another girl. a prettier funnier more unique girl.

one that is a bit braver than me.

one i could never ever compete against.

a girl that is simply a better person than me.



boys.



they are all the same.

they give you all the same compliments and cant find anything special about you.

in my experience no guy has ever been able to trust.

they let their fear of falling corrode your relationship.

and they mess you up.



i've come to the conclusion ill never find a guy that can fully love me for me.

ill never find a guy who can trust me.



i dont know whether to be pissed or to feel bad?



but as of now all im feeling is really confused and messed up.

fathers day

fathers day.

my dad is the best. i love him so much. he is such a great addition to our family. he does so much for...

wait.

what if that isnt your fathers day?

to be honest i've done everything in my power to avoid seeing or talking to my father for the past year and a half.

so today isnt the easiest holiday for me to handle.

am i the one in wrong? should i just forget about the ways he hurt me and my family? and the way he continually shows he doesnt care?

so i've been fighting with myself all day.
should i send a text?
give him a call?
write a card?
stop by?
go have dinner with him and his wife?

i came to the conclusion that sometimes we just need to be the bigger person and maybe be an example to the person who hurt you. im not forgiving him yet...but i hope that in me going over and spending the rest of the day at his house he can possibly look to me as an example.

i know im just a kid. but i've been through a lot. i have a lot of life behind me. so maybe my father, the person i should be looking to, can learn from me.

and now i'm on my way....

i wonder what gift i should give to someone i dont even know.

happy fathers day.

looks that kill

im not sure where to start.
or what the right thing is to say.

its not a new feeling.

some people find me fake. with my random thank yous for the small things in life that altered my day. and for trying to point out the good in people.

but thats just who i am.

someone got me thinking yesterday. are it my looks that matter most to someone? or do they see the small quirks about me?

do people notice the freckles on my lip
or maybe the way i squeek when i sneeze
that i cry when i see a dead animal
and that i love to eat applesauce on pizza.

that i absolutely hate getting ready and would rather be in pjs
that i love kids that speak their mind
or that i dream like i have a thousand years to live and one life to touch
or the accents i love to immitate.

does any of this matter? does who i am really matter? or is it my looks.

i dont think im pretty by any means. i've been rejected one too many times for the fact that im not pretty enough. to be honest. there are millions of girls that i would state are better looking then me.

prettier eyes
a better body
cuter style
slimer legs
perfect teeth
longer hair
ect.
ect.
ect.

i want to show people who i really am. and make them love me for me.
but when i live in this world of preset judgements how can i get through that?

maybe ill stop wearing make up
or stop trying to look good

will that then uglify me and make me more of a real relatable person?

its true that many many people do fall into these stereotypes we set.

but after this certain someone got me thinking. i realize that although i try to look at people for who they are

i
judge.

its human nature.
the obese man who came in to the restaurant: he obviously has no self worth
the homeless man on the side of the road: must be a druggie
the guy with long hair: is probably a pot smoking hippie
people in iraq: they are all bad
the list goes on and on
deeper and deeper
and when do we call it quits.

stop now.

break some of those stereoptypes you have set in your mind and maybe we can start to see people for who and what they are. learn from them. share your smile.


please, lets stop giving looks the permission to kill.
kill the hope of meeting the real person.